MOMS-A-MILLION

MAY 6,  2009 - MOMS-A-MILLION

Greetings to all the Moms, Grandmas, Mother-in-laws, and any female who claims kids. As you all know, our Deserving, Notable and much Revered day, *Mother’s Day* is coming up Sunday, May 9. I always love this day because I love getting rose bushes from my husband, Bill. He knows I love to grow rose gardens so he usually obliges me on Mother’s Day. Actually, he just bought me 7 new ones, so I am well on my way.

The gifts are nice, but if truth be known, wouldn’t it be nice to have your kids come over and Clean the House, Wash the Clothes, Mow the Lawn, Cook a few Meals, and WORK? I think it would be great! So I thought I would just open up a new business called *MOMS-A-MILLION*, you know, like the BOOKS-A-MILLION book store. These two, MOMS and BOOKS, have so much in common. Like the bookstore that has every kind of book possible, on every subject possible, with solutions for every problem possible, so do MOMS.

So I thought, why not put all of our ages, gifts of expertise, and hours we are willing to donate into a large accessible pool; complete with address, phone and email info, and of course, AVAILABILITY. Mail it out to all the MOMS who want to participate, and, Bingo! We have MOMS-A-MILLION.

The purpose of this marvelous invention? Simple. When your kids get obnoxious, rude, ugly, obstinate, disobedient and plain overwhelming, just call up another Mom and ship them over to somebody’s else’s house for a week or two. Kids always act better for someone else, anyway. They wouldn’t dream of back-talking someone they don’t know. And besides, they love to do someone else’s dishes, try the same food they’ve been denying you, and would never leave their underwear in the floor.

How many times have you let your children visit their friend’s house, and within two hours the phone rings. “Oh Rosalie“, she says, “your children are so well behaved, they are welcome anytime.” Before you utter the biggest gasp, you always politely say, “Well thank you, you can have the little Darlings anytime you wish.

So, how about it ladies? I say…TRADE, TRADE, TRADE.  Any new face has got to be refreshing. We may even avoid stating our favorite lines, some of which are as follows:

*Let that hair grow, and I’ll bury the pony tail with you!

*Leave every light on in the house, and you WILL pay the electric bill.

*If you don’t change that shirt in three days, I’m hosing you down.

*Well, just jump off the cliff with Johnny; I won’t come looking for you.

*If you use your sleeve to wipe your nose one more time, I’m ripping your nose off…Get a Tissue!

*Don’t you embarrass me by not changing your underwear!

*Shut your mouth and eat your supper!

* I hope you grow up and have kids just like you!

*DO-YOU-WANT-A-SPANKING? Tell me right now!  And don’t talk back, or I’ll slap your head off!

Happy Mother’s Day to all and to all a good night…with Ibuprofen, Nyquil (my favorite), Excedrin and any other drugs you can find. Just kidding….really, try Nyquil!

Enough silliness, look for me this weekend at Halo & Wings Christian Book Store, in Troy MO. The book signing will be from 11:00 AM to 1:00 PM. Also don’t forget Cooking Class at Rendezvous, Café in O’Fallon, MO on June 1^st, Monday evening from 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM.

God Bless, and Happy Mother’s Day!

Rosalie